Teach My Heart: November 2014

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Making Chores More Interesting for Children

In her book, The Parenting Breakthrough, author Merrilee Browne Boyack asks, “Do you serve the same meal day after day?...Do you go see the same movie week after week after week?...To use the same method of assigning chores all the time is incredibly dull; it’s no wonder the kids lose interest.”

She’s right. There is no reason we can’t change up our chore assignment routine from time to time. Parents can use a different chore assignment method in the fall when they need to work around school and homework schedules. Weekends with bigger chores work better in the fall. In the summer daily chores are perfect.

Merrilee suggests a variety of chore assignment methods to spice up your chore routines. However she advises, “…if one method does not work, don’t give up! Just move on and keep searching and making changes.” Here are a few of her suggestions:

Pocket charts: A pocket chart consists of two pockets. When a child finishes a chore he moves it from the to-do pocket to the done pocket.

Rotating zones: Dividing the house into zones and giving a child responsibility for a zone (warning, may cause sibling contention when one child is messy in another child’s zone).

Rotating chores: Systematically rotating the children through chores that change monthly.

Blitz: An entire family comes together at the same time to clean the same room or area.

Sixty-second straighten: Exactly what it sounds like. Set a timer and let the children clean like crazy to see how much they can get done before the time rings.

TeachMyHeart.Com would like to add Playing Hotel to this list. This is featured in a fantastic article at the Gilded Pear HERE. If you’re really interested in making chore time more bearable for your children it is a must read.

Enjoy our free pocket chart pdf… You provide the chores!

PRINT IT HERE.

(Special Thanks to Scrapgraphics.Com and GrannyEnchanted.Com for these graphics).

Read more advice from Merrilee Browne Boyack in her entertaining and instructive book, The Parenting Breakthrough. Fun and practical, author Merrilee Boyack has readers laughing out loud as well as feeling grateful for her parenting advice. She's a mom who's spent the last 22 years in the real-life work of parenting. “I have four sons, 13, 15, 17 and 22. You know what that means,” she writes. “I'm an absolute expert in raising children 23 and older.” Merrilee offers the “Parenting Breakthrough” for training kids — from toddlers to teens — to be independent. It includes ideas for how to teach kids about money, investing, debt, and the importance of earning their own money; how to help children with emotional and spiritual development; and much more.

Article Author: Sheryl C.S. Johnson
Photo Credit.
004 Boyack Chore Interest

Could You be Wrong About Where Your Child’s Self-Esteem Comes From?

Does a child’s self esteem come from piano lessons, soccer games, and scout camps? Not at all. Author Merrilee Browne Boyack advises that self esteem comes from a child knowing how to do things by themselves. Confidence boosters like dressing themselves, doing the dishes by themselves, and doing their own hair are the best way to build good self esteem in children.

Children perceive that grown up activities are important. Who hasn't seen a toddler mimicking an adult phone conversation, grocery store visit, or setting a table as they play? They instinctively know that adult activities are of value. What could better boost self esteem than becoming able to do what the big people do?

Though it can be difficult for parents to stand back and watch children complete a task imperfectly, or to spend quality, consistent time teaching a child how to do something until they get it right, the proof is in the pudding. Children who know how to take care of themselves are confident and happier than children that have parents who attend to their every need.

Article Author: Sheryl C.S. Johnson
Photo Credit.

003 Boyack Esteem Source

Friday, November 14, 2014

Should You Pay Your Children for Doing Regular Housework?

Should you pay your children for doing regular housework? Merrilee Browne Boyack doesn’t think so. She says, “Chores are things we do because we’re part of a family. No one pays Mom for cooking. No one pays Dad for weeding. These are things we do because our family members all pitch in to do the work that needs to be done for our family and home. To pay the children for everything would give them a very warped sense of reality. Frankly, we do lots of things that no one pays for and the earlier they can learn that, the better” (The Parenting Breakthrough Page 71)

But she does want children to learn about work and managing money. Aside from regular chores the children don’t get paid for, Merrilee has a list of “money chores” that they can earn money doing. Money chores are usually larger chores that require extra effort.

The standards for money chores are higher because the children are getting paid. The Boyack money chores list includes chores like defrosting the freezer, large yard projects, and washing and detailing a car. She says money chores must always be checked by a parent. Money chores can be broken into smaller parts so they aren’t so daunting to the children. Merrilee needed her pantry shelves lined with paper so she offered the chore on a per shelf basis-paying the child for each shelf completed.

Even though children are learning the responsibility of being a good family member there can still be ample opportunities for them to earn and learn to manage money.

Article Author: Sheryl C.S. Johnson
Photo Credit.
013 Boyack Money Chores

How to Train Your Children to Do Chores

Giving your children regular work assignments not only contributes to your clean house. It teaches responsibility and prepares them to have and run their own home someday.

Merrilee Browne Boyack suggests that being clear about your expectations for the chore is better than giving general commands like, “Go clean the bathroom.” Instead, write down specifically what you want completed for that chore. For example, inside the bathroom cupboard you could have a 3x5” card that reads, “Wipe down the counters, clean the toilet, clean the mirror, pick up the floor.” A parent may have to supervise the child doing the chore a few times before the child can do the chore well on their own.

Just as you need to be clear about your expectations for the chore you need to be clear about when the chore should be finished. “Do it Saturday,” is much less clear than, “Have it finished by noon, or else.” Merrilee suggests the “ore else” can be something like a loss of privileges or her favorite, “penalty chores.” She says for penalty chores she chooses chores she hates doing herself.

Article Author: Sheryl C.S. Johnson
Photo Credit.
012 Boyack Chore Training

Thursday, November 13, 2014

How to Empower Your Children By Not Making Them Happy All the Time

You are not responsible for making your children happy all the time. Author Merrilee Brown Boyack says that making your children happy all the time is one of the worst things you can do for them. She asserts that protecting children from feelings of frustration, delayed gratification, sadness, and misery makes them ill-equipped to deal with the normal frustrations and trials that are part of adult living. While she advises regular doses of happiness for children she also advises doses of real life trials.

We should be happy for our children when we see them work through frustrations and trials. They’re becoming stronger and more able to cope with life. In the grand scheme of adulthood that confidence will contribute more to their happiness than making them happy all the time in their childhood.

Merrilee suggests that we empower our children by giving them the message, “I know this is really hard but I have every confidence that you can handle it. I've seen you handle tough things before. You can do this!” The difficult part for parents is standing back and not intervening as children handle their own trials. Over time, Marrilee asserts, “…children will learn to make themselves happy. They will learn to choose that state of mind on their own. And we will have been successful parents.”

Article Author: Sheryl C.S. Johnson
Photo Credit.
002 Boyack Not Happy

Why Too Much Nurturing Can Hurt Your Child’s Self Esteem

One afternoon Merilee was holding a meeting in her kitchen when her three year old walked in and began to pick out supplies to make a sandwich…on the floor. Aghast, a woman at the meeting exclaimed, “Merrilee! Your son is making a sandwich on the bare floor!”

Merrilee was quick to respond, “I know. Isn’t that fantastic! He just learned how to make sandwiches this week.” Merrilee asserts that a parent who nurtures his or her children too much can be communicating to the child that they’re incompetent.

Too much nurturing (doing for your child what they could do for themselves) can cripple a child’s self esteem, sending the messages that they’re not smart enough, reliable enough, old enough, responsible enough, or worth your trust. Parenting must be balanced.

Parents who keep their nurturing focused towards future confidence and competence do their children a favor. Merilee points out that she could have made her son’s sandwich on the clean counter but she would have been sending him the message, “You can’t do this –you’re too little.” Instead she praised him before he walked off with his dusty sandwich. She says, “This parental attitude conveys a singularly important message to the child: ‘You are valuable and capable and worthwhile.’”